This is how I take selfies too, dog.
dogs are better than humans
delete this rn
my anaconda do
when people are really rude and douchey and everyone still loves them
My co-worker’s puppy fell asleep on her desk. Not much work got done that day
Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.
I feel so proud when friends tell me their parents like me. Like damn right they do, I am a delight.
*nearby lesbian laughter*
*muffled asexual snickering*
*conflicted pansexual noises*
*moderately panicked bisexual muttering*
HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH
Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control.
Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.
Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people.
*asexual snickering increases in volume*
If you start from the bottom up it’s a story of two friends. Then murder, then revenge.
I like it backwards
WHAT THE HELL MUM
I’d be happy with a mom like that
I’d be fucking happy if I even lived in a country that allowed me to get accidentally lost in Paris. Fucking New Zealand, surrounded by sea.
Fucking america. You drive six hours and you’re in the same damn state.